Why do the shittiest people end up in middle management. Why are they a bunch of twats?
I have a boss that everyone hates. He has morbid obesity issues and an anger management stuff that would make Mussolini blush. And what is more, he gets paid more than us for knowing fuck all and doing fuck all. Considerably less, actually. Never. But it's worse than that.
He sits with his legs open and blanks people if he's in a bad mood and laughs maniacally at his own fucking jokes, most of which aren't funny and he looks at people's tits.
Sometimes he comes up behind you and stands there for ages without saying anything. It's like being supervised by Darth Fucking Vader and no word of a lie.
I wouldn't mind but he didn't get the senior's position on merit. He was seconded into the post many moons ago and had to be bribed with a pay rise to a superviser's salary before he would agree to the move. The details are tedious and to cut a long story short, this was allegedly on a temporary basis because no one else was available but it stuck and at some point and became permanent appointment by default .There was never any selection process worth the name, not then and certainly not now, He is there by happy accident and he is beyond not up to the job and he has a personality disorder. One of my colleagues swears he's autistic.
And then there's my boss's boss. She is just as big an arse-hat, in her own more understated way, if only because she's as thick as thieves with him. They eat lunch together every day and believe me, you would NOT go to lunch with the twat unless there was something wrong with you or someone was threatening to kill your first born if you didn't. I would literally die before I'd sit at the same table and eat. Why would anyone spend their lunch space with Cyril Smith on steroids ... and I shit you not, he is genuinely more obese than Cyril. He isn't even allowed on aeroplanes. It is unacceptable.
Yesterday he sat at his desk and polished off eight large sausage rolls before 11am and was rude to absolutely everyone.
And things are getting worse. We have to hide the scissors and blunt instruments away for fear that he will take it into his head to run amok with a lethal weapon. And the feeling is becoming mutual. My friend has to hide in the toilet for twenty minutes at a time. Sometimes it's the only way she can keep herself from smacking the fucker over the head with a coat stand until dead.
Some of us are thinking of consulting a chemist about a slow poisoning campaign, using undetectable toxins that will leave no trace. Or we might shove him off the top of the building and say he jumped. But in reality, the people in my office are too chicken shitted to take decisive action of a homicidal nature so in lieu of that, we are all keeping diaries.
Yesterday it occured to me that I am not going in a room alone with him ever again. No matter what.
I have a boss that everyone hates. He has morbid obesity issues and an anger management stuff that would make Mussolini blush. And what is more, he gets paid more than us for knowing fuck all and doing fuck all. Considerably less, actually. Never. But it's worse than that.
He sits with his legs open and blanks people if he's in a bad mood and laughs maniacally at his own fucking jokes, most of which aren't funny and he looks at people's tits.
Sometimes he comes up behind you and stands there for ages without saying anything. It's like being supervised by Darth Fucking Vader and no word of a lie.
I wouldn't mind but he didn't get the senior's position on merit. He was seconded into the post many moons ago and had to be bribed with a pay rise to a superviser's salary before he would agree to the move. The details are tedious and to cut a long story short, this was allegedly on a temporary basis because no one else was available but it stuck and at some point and became permanent appointment by default .There was never any selection process worth the name, not then and certainly not now, He is there by happy accident and he is beyond not up to the job and he has a personality disorder. One of my colleagues swears he's autistic.
And then there's my boss's boss. She is just as big an arse-hat, in her own more understated way, if only because she's as thick as thieves with him. They eat lunch together every day and believe me, you would NOT go to lunch with the twat unless there was something wrong with you or someone was threatening to kill your first born if you didn't. I would literally die before I'd sit at the same table and eat. Why would anyone spend their lunch space with Cyril Smith on steroids ... and I shit you not, he is genuinely more obese than Cyril. He isn't even allowed on aeroplanes. It is unacceptable.
Yesterday he sat at his desk and polished off eight large sausage rolls before 11am and was rude to absolutely everyone.
And things are getting worse. We have to hide the scissors and blunt instruments away for fear that he will take it into his head to run amok with a lethal weapon. And the feeling is becoming mutual. My friend has to hide in the toilet for twenty minutes at a time. Sometimes it's the only way she can keep herself from smacking the fucker over the head with a coat stand until dead.
Some of us are thinking of consulting a chemist about a slow poisoning campaign, using undetectable toxins that will leave no trace. Or we might shove him off the top of the building and say he jumped. But in reality, the people in my office are too chicken shitted to take decisive action of a homicidal nature so in lieu of that, we are all keeping diaries.
Yesterday it occured to me that I am not going in a room alone with him ever again. No matter what.
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